Monday, October 27, 2008

The Truth About Cats And Blogs


Every year the film industry whines about all they money lost due to movie piracy. I would love to be able to see their side in this matter, but I can’t. (I made this realization during “Pirates of the Caribbean III”) How can you complain about lost revenue and crank out movies about high school musicals? (Talk about buggery on the high C’s)
Dow Chemicals has less toxic waste spewing out of their drainpipes. You are not allowed to make films starring Paris Hilton and then bitch about low ticket sales. Paris Hilton has starred in two films. In one she proves that she sucks at acting. In the other she proves that she can act at sucking.
I’m not saying that there haven’t been some great films that have come out of Hollywood. To which their effect on me has often times been astonishingly profound. The first time I saw “The Godfather”, I wanted to go right out and join the Mafia. Unfortunately, I had the same feeling during the closing credits of “The Bench Warmers”.
Therein lies the problem.
The industry can make a good film when the goal is to make a good film. When the goal is to make money, you get Robin Williams dressed up like one of the Golden Girls.
Six months later, a three blu-ray disc straight to video collector’s edition of “Mrs. Doubtfire and Media’s Family Reunion at Big Mamma’s House ”.
Which brings me to the point. The film industry should be thankful that anybody would spend their time downloading bullshit movies like “Beowulf”. Illegally or otherwise! A very simple law could be enacted to punish these evil doers:
Oh hear yea; oh hear yea all, whomsoever caught spending twelve hours of their lives illegally downloading copies of the unedited version of “American Pie 7: Naked College Party Super Brawl Weekend”, shall hereby be forced to watch “American Pie 7: Naked College Party Super Brawl Weekend”.
That would certainly dissuade me.
People disagree with me all the time about my taste in movies, and that’s fine. I, for one, was not a fan of Ron Howard’s film,”Evening at the Apollo 12: Norbit in Orbit”. Frankly, I found the script devoid of historical fact. I do however, remember that classic line from the film . . .” Houston, we in some shit!” And, for what it’s worth, Jamie Kennedy was quite funny.
What makes a film good or bad is a lot like a family reunion. It’s all relative. I have a simple see or don’t see movie litmus test. If the title of the film is on a collector’s cup at Wendy’s . . . no good. If Papa John’s can somehow work the title into a two-liter Pepsi and large pizza combo deal . . . waste of time. If the next ticket to movie you buy stars Larry the Cable Guy . . . you might be a redneck.
The bottom line here is that Hollywood seems to love garbage as much the homeless do.
Put the focus on quality and not just high definition blu ray disc with an alternate ending quality, and maybe people will buy movies tickets
Fin.

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