Blogwarts

Well it’s summer again in Texas. That means two things: Godforgotten heat and a host of summer blockbuster movies.
A friend of mine asked me if I go to movies very often. I replied,”Not unless the word Harry or Potter is in the title.” I wasn’t joking. I will be soon, however. The Harry Potter franchise is a gold mine and justifiably so. With their blank check mentality of hiring the best actors in England and the cool plot lines, as far as I’m concerned, these films epitomize the summer movie experience. Unfortunately, the rest of the films are complete horseshit (including, but not limited to Adam Sandler’s new movie, “Complete Horseshit.”)
I boldly went to see the new Star Trek film and enjoyed it very much. I went with my gay friend Billiam. He enjoyed the movie even though he wasn’t a fan of the original series. I enjoyed his company even though I’m not a fan of cock.
Before our movie started my friend Billiam leaned over to me and asked me if I’d seen Will Ferrel’s new movie. I replied, “has it been a week already!” Yes, Wil Ferrel is back in another alleged comedy entitled “Land of the Lost”. This time he goes back in time a million years ago. Back to a place and time when he was funny. To me, a Wil Ferrel movie is like eye contact with a homeless guy, I avoid it at all cost. By the way Mr. Ferrel, the land of lost is where you can find you soul if you’re interested . . . I didn’t think so.
A sequel transformer movie, a sequel museum movie and a prequel Dan Brown novel/ movie all in one summer. Somebody wake me up before I wet the bed. I’m kidding; I haven’t done that since my girlfriend moved out.
I won’t go see a Transformer’s movie for the same reason I didn’t own any transformers toys as a child, they’re for fags.
“A Night at the Museum”, was about as engaging as . . . well . . . a night at the museum. The sequel to this movie reminds me of a message on Twitter . . . 140 unnecessary characters.
“Angels and Demons”, is being called a sequel. It is in fact more of a prequel to the DaVinci Code and a great book. On the Mr. Brightside I, like most of you, am anxiously awaiting the new Dan Brown novel . . . “God Hate”. And you know if Tom Hanks isn’t in that movie, there is no God.
That brings me back to where this blog started, Harry Potter. I really can’t wait to see “Half Blood Prince”. I’m going to see it in IMAX format, and you should too. Quite frankly as far as I know the only other place you can see Hermione Granger’s breasts cover an entire wall, is in my bedroom. Don’t judge.