One hundred years ago, Lucy Maud Montgomery wrote a book called, "Anne of Green Gables". It was an instant success. It sold nineteen thousand copies in its first five months. Mind you, this was 1908, some of the copies were written on tree bark.
It was a touching story about an orphan girl, Anne Shirley, who comes to the quiet town of Avonlea, in Prince Edward Island, Canada, to live with an old pair of siblings called Mathew and Marilla Cuthbert. The brother and sister live together (what’s that all about?) on their ancestral farm, Green Gables. Fearing that they are too old to run the family farm, these two sexual deviants send off for an orphan boy to help them. Do you think Elton John knows that you can do that? When little Anne Shirley shows up instead, red of hair and freckled of face, they take to her instantly and decide to keep her. Little do they know this kid is ten pounds of trouble in a five-pound bag! A host of wacky mishaps and risible misfortunes ensue. We’ll get back to Anne in a moment.
The year is 1990. The U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases Laboratory at Ft. Detrick, Maryland, puts out an ad in the local newspaper for a red haired orphan to help them develop anthrax spores for use as biological weaponry. When Bruce Ivins shows up by mistake, psychotic by nature and completely insane, they take to him instantly and decide to keep him. Little do they know, a host of seriously fucked up shit is about to hit their government issued fan.
Back in Avonlea, Anne Shirley has grown up and become more responsible and a lot less funny. She focuses on academics and with the help of her beloved teacher, Miss Stacy, Anne gets accepted into the prestigious Queens Academy, run by Professor Freddie Mercury. For other reasons, he was also referred to as "head Master". Because everything seems to be going her way, while at Queen’s Academy, she wins the prestigious Avery Scholarship. This affords her a four-year run at college the next fall.
When Anne returns to Green Gables with the good news, Mathew Cuthbert has a heart attack and dies. Son of a . . . His sister Marilla starts to go blind. What the . . . All of Anne’s hopes and dreams come crashing down. She passes up the scholarship and gets a job teaching kids bitterness and remorse in Avonlea so that she can stay close to home and help the nice blind lady. Anne of Green Gables sees a glass not half-empty, but rather, half full . . . of shit.
The year is 2001. A brutal and vicious attack on the citizens of New York City is orchestrated by a group of cowards known as Al Quaeda. The World Trade Center comes crashing down on the dreams and hopes of thousands of people. The Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia and the Whitehouse in Washington D.C. are also targeted. The Pentagon suffers extensive damage. The Whitehouse is spared as per the efforts of a group of brave Americans. Silly terrorists, nothing ever happens at the Whitehouse! The entire country is affected by the attack. A sense of pride in unity and togetherness overcomes America. The glass is half full.
"Now," says Bruce Ivins, "is the perfect time for me to unleash an anthrax virus." He proceeds to send out letters through the U.S. mail containing anthrax spores. What the . . . Five people die and seventeen others are infected. Son of a . . . Because it took place in America, the crime went unsolved for seven years.
This year, 2008, a bend in the road. The trail of clues uncovered by a massive FBI investigation led to mad scientist, Bruce Ivins. Sensing the feds closing in on him, on July 29th, Bruce Ivins overdosed on Tylenol laced with codeine. I guess he was all out of anthrax.
Anne's horizons had closed in since the night she had sat there after coming home from Queen's; but if the path set before her feet was to be narrow she knew that flowers of quiet happiness would bloom along it. The joy of sincere work and worthy aspiration and congenial friendship were to be hers; nothing could rob her of her birthright of fancy or her ideal world of dreams. And there was always the bend in the road!
"'God's in his heaven, all's right with the world,'" whispered Anne softly
No comments:
Post a Comment