In the film Magnum Force, Inspector Harry Callahan proclaims, "A man’s got to know his limitations." I like to think that I know mine but when in doubt, I listen to the guy holding the gun. The Chinese government not only know their limitations (boundless apparently) but they also know ours.
The 2008 Olympics were held in China this time around. I’m not sure why. I guess they just wanted to hold the gun for a while. Their aim was to feature themselves in a positive light and show the world how different they are from North Korea. I’ll believe that the day they find Bigfoot!
China is an anomaly to me. The country is, and always has been, run by psychos. Yet, it’s people, the ones I’ve met at least, are wonderful. Mind you, as wonderful as you can be from the other side of the sneeze shield at the Hunan Garden buffet table. I’m kidding! I kid . . China, ca’mon!
The Chinese are honest for the most part. The Great Wall of China, is indeed, a great wall. No bullshit. It’s the greatest wall in the world. When you order fried wanton at a Chinese restaurant, they take wanton and they fry it. They’re not fucking around. I have nary a clue as to what wanton is, but they’re not liars! And they’re trustworthy. That ancient Chinese laundry secret has for all intents and purposes, remained a secret. In my lifetime anyway. Okay, I’m pretty sure it’s Biz detergent, but you didn’t get that from me.
Why then China, would you cheat in the Olympics? Why? Those little gymnast girls weren’t sixteen years old! We had their photos examined closely by our nation’s top pedophiles and they all concurred that there is no way those girls were over nine or ten years old. By the way, the photos won’t be returned. It’s in everybody’s best interest.
Those little gymnast girls in China have it rough right from the start. They’re separated from their families at an early age, some as young as three years old. They are then forcefully threatened to enjoy gymnastics. The parents I mean, the kids love it! Early in our ill-fated relationship, my ex-girlfriend used to make me "enjoy" Will and Grace so, I can certainly relate.
While we’re on the subject, the children of Tibet have it pretty rough as well. They’re separated from their dying families at an early age by the Chinese government and forcefully threatened to enjoy dying. Given the choice of the two, gymnastics must look like a free Bruce Lee film festival to those Tibetan kids. And now that we’re on the subject of free . . . FREE TIBET! Ca’mon!
I’m not trying to say that America is better than China (It sounds like I’m coughing right now but I’m actually saying, "even though we are"), or should I say the People’s Republic of Cheating! Two things do however, leap to mind. We eventually learned our lesson about ethnic cleansing and we don’t cheat at the Olympics.
Oh sure, some of the track and field team dopes up . . . youthful exuberance, nothing more. Plus, they always get caught anyway . . . so . . . that doesn’t count. None of the weight lifters count either. And by that, I mean that they don’t add or subtract and absolutely refuse to multiply and divide.
Technically we don’t cheat in the actual events . . . most of the events . . . okay, most of the internationally televised events. I say that with some degree of confidence knowing two things, all of the drug test results haven’t come back yet and the Mafia hasn’t figured out a way to "fix" the games. Until then . . . how dare you China!
The 2008 Olympics were held in China this time around. I’m not sure why. I guess they just wanted to hold the gun for a while. Their aim was to feature themselves in a positive light and show the world how different they are from North Korea. I’ll believe that the day they find Bigfoot!
China is an anomaly to me. The country is, and always has been, run by psychos. Yet, it’s people, the ones I’ve met at least, are wonderful. Mind you, as wonderful as you can be from the other side of the sneeze shield at the Hunan Garden buffet table. I’m kidding! I kid . . China, ca’mon!
The Chinese are honest for the most part. The Great Wall of China, is indeed, a great wall. No bullshit. It’s the greatest wall in the world. When you order fried wanton at a Chinese restaurant, they take wanton and they fry it. They’re not fucking around. I have nary a clue as to what wanton is, but they’re not liars! And they’re trustworthy. That ancient Chinese laundry secret has for all intents and purposes, remained a secret. In my lifetime anyway. Okay, I’m pretty sure it’s Biz detergent, but you didn’t get that from me.
Why then China, would you cheat in the Olympics? Why? Those little gymnast girls weren’t sixteen years old! We had their photos examined closely by our nation’s top pedophiles and they all concurred that there is no way those girls were over nine or ten years old. By the way, the photos won’t be returned. It’s in everybody’s best interest.
Those little gymnast girls in China have it rough right from the start. They’re separated from their families at an early age, some as young as three years old. They are then forcefully threatened to enjoy gymnastics. The parents I mean, the kids love it! Early in our ill-fated relationship, my ex-girlfriend used to make me "enjoy" Will and Grace so, I can certainly relate.
While we’re on the subject, the children of Tibet have it pretty rough as well. They’re separated from their dying families at an early age by the Chinese government and forcefully threatened to enjoy dying. Given the choice of the two, gymnastics must look like a free Bruce Lee film festival to those Tibetan kids. And now that we’re on the subject of free . . . FREE TIBET! Ca’mon!
I’m not trying to say that America is better than China (It sounds like I’m coughing right now but I’m actually saying, "even though we are"), or should I say the People’s Republic of Cheating! Two things do however, leap to mind. We eventually learned our lesson about ethnic cleansing and we don’t cheat at the Olympics.
Oh sure, some of the track and field team dopes up . . . youthful exuberance, nothing more. Plus, they always get caught anyway . . . so . . . that doesn’t count. None of the weight lifters count either. And by that, I mean that they don’t add or subtract and absolutely refuse to multiply and divide.
Technically we don’t cheat in the actual events . . . most of the events . . . okay, most of the internationally televised events. I say that with some degree of confidence knowing two things, all of the drug test results haven’t come back yet and the Mafia hasn’t figured out a way to "fix" the games. Until then . . . how dare you China!
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