Well, 2008 is past it's half life and on the home stretch heading toward where ever old years go to die. My guess is Martin Short's house or his comedic negative, Martin Lawrence.
It's been an interesting year so far, to say the least. The Mars rover discovered ice in the polar region of the planet. The fascinating part of the story is that it was a package of Dentyne Ice. Well worth the 360 trillion dollars it took away from feeding the poor or un-AIDS-ing the AIDS ridden.
Our planet seems a little sick of our shit this year. In a matter of days, we went from cyclones to earthquakes. The cyclone in Myranmar killed almost a hundred thousand people. A lot of which might have been spared if they hadn't have been outside arguing. Cyclone my Burhmese ass! That's a Texas tornado!
The earth certainly quaked in China this year that's for sure! A hundred thousand more were affected by that tragedy. One hundred thousand Chinese people, that's literally one city block's worth of carnage!
This year it seems that show hosts from the news networks have decided to go on the road. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I saw that Bill O'Reilly is is taking his "one man" show all across the country. Ticket scalpers probably don't have a lot of nightmares, but this has to be a recurring one. Second only to the one where you chased around by members of the group Pearl Jam. Glen Beck is also taking his act on the road. Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers open, and then Glen comes out and closes the show. Surprisingly, the two hour discussion entitled, "What the Fuck Do you Call That Shit" just flies by. If you get a chance check it out.
Barack Obama.
As it turns out, weddings are for fags. I've been saying that for years, but now it's legal. Yes, gays and lesbians can now be joined in holy matrimony. Finally, wedding planners can plan their own weddings. And, I'm pretty sure they have lots of cool ideas left. I can't imagine what a gay man's bachelor party would be like. I guess when the cop shows up to strip, it's the guy from the Village People. I once went to a lesbian wedding. Sadly I was nowhere near being the best man. An alarming number of those dykes do it a lot better that I ever could!
Saving the world, one fad at a time. Everybody's going green this year. Who knew changing a few light bulbs and disconnecting your phone charger could save an entire planet! It occurs to me that corn powered vehicles could have saved the planet Krypton from extinction. It probably occurred to Clark Kent when he landed in middle of George and Martha Kent's cornfield. Superman's first word's on Earth might have been, "Hee fuckin' haw!"
Barack Obama. Sorry about that. It's a reflex.
Starbucks announced the closing of nearly 600 hundred stores in the U.S. this year. You know what that means, if you want Starbucks coffee now, you're going to have to go all the way across the street. On a similar note, Dunkin' Doughnuts has it's line of coffee on the market. I don't know if I should disclose the secret ingredient . . . oh, what the hell . . . it's crystal meth!
The housing industry is in the crapper. Both Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are bailing out on loans and screwing everybody. On the bright side, one guy is making it through all this loan foreclosure bullshit just fine. I didn't realize that black people knew so much about finance. Well, run and tell dat to Mr. T. Rowe Price! He's black, right?
Like the rest of you, I'm looking forward to the Olympics. The opportunity for our young men and women to go over to a foreign country and kick some ass! Wait a minute . . . isn't that how the Iraq conflict started? Oh Christ, the rest of 2008 is going to suck.
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