I was eating lunch in a Vietnamese restaurant and watching CNN (because that’s how I spring roll) when all of a sudden the most alarming news story I’ve ever heard came on. The reporter said that scientists have determined that there are as many rats living on the planet Earth as there are humans. I don’t mind telling you my chopsticks became dropsticks in a big hurry. How can that be? I always thought the people at Maybeline had done more than their fair share to thin out the rat population. I looked at some of the staff at the Vietnamese restaurant and said, "what . . . are you guys vegetarians?" Ca’mon!
We have to do something. We can’t turn the planet over to the rats! What the hell kind of existence is that? I don’t need to find out first hand that rat traps suck. I can’t scurry worth a shit. I like my apartment. I don’t want to live in a little hole. Wait a minute . . . my apartment is a little hole! Oh my God the transformation has already begun. Yes . . . I see it . . . SCOOTER Libby, CHEESE heroin, WILLARD Scott, lesbians with RAT tails. . . we are doomed!
I can remember the good old days when lab rats were used to test makeup and other hygienic products. That is until the activists got involved. I hope they all get gnawed! There was a shampoo developed especially for women with blonde hair they stopped testing on rats when the they noticed how stupid the rats were becoming. The rats were all "whatever" and the cheese was all "whatever " and the maze was like "ttyl"! They’re not stupid anymore! The rats I mean, blondes are blondes what are ya gonna do?
In India they eat rats. So, the next time there is a earthquake I say we all play one big game of "mousetrap" and send ’em a million crates full of brown and gray furry love. "Hey, Hadji where should I put these crates from the U.S. marked Rat Cross?" "Put them next to the Sheer Blonde shampoo", Hadji replies.
We have to do something. We can’t turn the planet over to the rats! What the hell kind of existence is that? I don’t need to find out first hand that rat traps suck. I can’t scurry worth a shit. I like my apartment. I don’t want to live in a little hole. Wait a minute . . . my apartment is a little hole! Oh my God the transformation has already begun. Yes . . . I see it . . . SCOOTER Libby, CHEESE heroin, WILLARD Scott, lesbians with RAT tails. . . we are doomed!
I can remember the good old days when lab rats were used to test makeup and other hygienic products. That is until the activists got involved. I hope they all get gnawed! There was a shampoo developed especially for women with blonde hair they stopped testing on rats when the they noticed how stupid the rats were becoming. The rats were all "whatever" and the cheese was all "whatever " and the maze was like "ttyl"! They’re not stupid anymore! The rats I mean, blondes are blondes what are ya gonna do?
In India they eat rats. So, the next time there is a earthquake I say we all play one big game of "mousetrap" and send ’em a million crates full of brown and gray furry love. "Hey, Hadji where should I put these crates from the U.S. marked Rat Cross?" "Put them next to the Sheer Blonde shampoo", Hadji replies.
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