Long Distance Carlin

I heard that George Carlin got an open ended run in heaven. Two shows a night for eternity. Not a bad gig. In hell they do three shows on Saturday. To say that Carlin has had an influence on comedians is as arbitrary as saying that McDonalds has had an influence on fat people. The man was a comedic genius and the most prolific writer in the history of modern American comedy.
Yet, I must admit I sort of forgot about him. He became too comfortable. He was too great. If you had tickets to one his shows, you knew the show would be great. If he did one of his many HBO specials, you knew it would be great. I don't think people realize how much pressure can heap up on a guy who's constantly expected to do great things. Trust me, I have no idea how I keep pulling it off! Wassuuppp!
My first Carlin experience was in the third grade. Me and two of my friends recited the"Hair Piece" in front of the class. Nobody asked us to. We just got up there and did it. It was my first taste of performing comedy in front of an audience. We had fun, even though we didn't write any of it. That must be how Carlos Mencia started. Unfortunately, he never stopped.
Carlin did write his own stuff. Tons of it. The guy was constantly coming up with stuff. Maybe it's what killed him. They say comedy has healing properties. Maybe they're wrong. Maybe writing jokes is worse than crack. If that's the case George Wallace, Dennis Leary, and Robin Williams are going to outlive us all! Boy, if that isn't an arguement for suicide, what is?
Give 'em the light and drop the checks on the tables. It's time to wrap it up. Don't forget to tip your wait staff. This is my second blog in as many blogs about a dead guy. Just in case there is some kind of connection, my next blog will be about Dane Cook . . . hopefully.

Rest In Press

I'm a simple man, for the most part. I don't ask much of the human race and expect even less. I like coffee(way too much), I like cigarettes, and professional football. No . . . this is not my e-harmony profile page. Among the tiny list of the things I like about the world, Tim Russert was very close to the top. He died on Friday the thirteenth of June, 2008. He was only 58 years old.

I watched Meet The Press every Sunday without fail and I can honestly say that Li'l Russ was a great man. It almost sounds mundane to say that about someone. That phrase gets tossed around more than a bulimics' lunch these days. But, I truly mean it. He was great. He was a great show host, he was a great interviewer and he knew his politics. I respected and admired him as much as man could without being called "homo".

He was a great family man, according to the one hour tribute on what should have been Meet The Press this morning. He was respected and admired by his peers(homos!), according to the guests on the afore mentioned tribute; many of which were frequent guests of MTP. Tom Brokaw kicked the show off by saying kind words about Tim. It's the right thing to do. You never want to start a tribute by saying, "You owe me fifty bucks you piece of shit!" Why is it more fun to watch Dana Carvey do an impression of Tom Brokaw than it is to watch Tom Brokaw? Carvelle and Matlin were also on the the tribute show, proof that opposites attract. In their case that seems to apply to love more than viewers and readers. A democrat married to a republican. Tell me again about the "L" and "R" monograms on your bath towels, I love that story!

All tribute shows have clips of past interviews, and this one was no exception. For those of you who didn't see it, it was like a best of Oprah show without all the fake tears. In particular, one of the clips that struck me was an interview with H. Ross Perot. It's amazing to me how vivid insanity looks on a high definition television. I had completely forgotten about a visit on the show from the then "freshman" Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, where she swore up and down that she would never run for president. "I did not have presidential relations with that woman", she said.

Most recently, what I loved about watching Tim Russert, was how genuinely excited he was about our upcoming election. You could see it on his face every time he welcomed you to MTP. Usually, you only see that look on the faces of the " freshly laid". So I've been told. That is why it's so sad to me that he won't be around to see the outcome. He won't be here to see John McCain get elected president and having a stroke and almost dying upon hearing the news. He'll never be able to say, " Today on the show, an hour long interview with Vice-President Anne Coulter. . . live from hell . . . welcome to Meet The Press."

Tim Russert will not go to hell. In fact, I'm sure it will be quite the opposite. At least it should, anyway. Bill O'Reilly should go to hell. I know a guy who crews on the O'Reilly Factor and he told me Bill doesn't let anybody in his dressing room because there are cracks on the floor and you can actually see hell seeping through. My friend smokes a lot of weed.

I'll miss you Mr. Russert. And I will miss your show every Sunday morning. Not so much once football season kicks in, granted . . . ca'mon! Thanks for all of the great interviews and all the great debate moderation. While I'm on the subject, next election, let's moderate the debates by not having quite so many. Can we do that? I think Tim would have agreed completely.